Silence

You tell me to talk, so I talk.
But it feels like every time I do my words are taken wrong. You assume things about me that aren’t there and dismiss what is.

You shut me out, and I talk more to explain, to make it better. But you don’t hear what I say for what it is. My words only increase your anger and frustration.

The silence, the silence weighs on me. I can feel it like a physical weight. I hate it. It feels like you are yelling at me to silence myself.

So again I talk more, if only to hear myself, to try and comfort my soul when none is found elsewhere. What am I to do or think in these moments?

It feels like your silence in these moments shouts louder then your words ever could. I am not enough. And yet I am to much.

In these moments your silence clearly tells me what your words can’t. Sometimes I despair because of it. But I keep loving you.

Past the ache that’s settled in my bones. Past the stutter in my speech. The quiver in my breath. The tears that fight to fall. I always love you.

Even when you awaken my demons and leave me to their claws…I will keep loving you.

Always You

You pour into me and I overflow,
Words of love are not enough to describe how you make me feel.

My whole body reacts to you,
I light up from the inside out.

A smile that rarely leaves my face,
Never leaves my soul for you.

Throughout the good and bad times,
I am lighter for what you give to me.

You say our love is infinite and a part of me agrees, but the other part knows even that cannot describe what it means to love you.

I had many walls, built high and deep,
That others could not scale or simply helped create.

And one day I looked down and you had burrowed underneath: sitting, waiting for me to see, the beauty of your soul and the hand you offered me to take.

I can only hope you feel a fraction of what I do for you, as I continue floating in the sea of feelings you surround me in.

Wonder

There were times I looked at him in wonder and times I looked at him and wondered.

I looked at him in wonder always for the man he was. So capable and beautiful. So smart and assured.

I looked at him and wondered what the future held. If our love would hold true. What he saw in me.

There were times I looked at him in wonder and times I looked at him and wondered.

I looked at him in wonder for the way he worked, took care of those he loved and strived for the life he wanted.

I looked at him and wondered where I fit sometimes. What my role would be and how I could support him.

I looked at him with all the love I knew to give and some I didn’t know I possessed. And I had little hope of surviving it intact, but knew I wouldn’t let him go unless he asked.

It didn’t really matter anymore the timing of it all. I knew I’d survive. I was a born fighter even though people forgot that. I’d survived worse. I’d survive this if it came to it. But I’d never be the same. And he’d always own a piece of my heart and I would never be the same regardless of the end.

Distance Between

Being apart is a constant ache, a phantom pain, my body is my own and so is my mind, but you consume me so completely…

 

My heart may be in my body but you possess it so fully, there are times I am sure you must have it displayed in your hands.

 

My mind is so filled with your image and presence that there are times, especially in the quiet of the night that I can think of little, if anything else but you.

 

My lungs may breathe air as just another function, but the thought of you can make it leave on a gasp of longing, and for just a moment it leaves utter stillness. No air, just you.

 

I long to see your face, to hear your voice, for the moment when distance no longer separates us and I can look with joy upon you and know how sweetly you are mine as I am yours.

 

For the time when there is no end or beginning between us, when words are not always necessary but we speak a language all our own.

 

For the moment when the ache will cease as your head lays on the pillow next to mine, our hands intertwined, and that moment of bliss washes away what came before.

 

One day…

Falling

You spoke and I sank…

Deep into your words, they filled me from the ground up and I blossomed

 

I fell into your voice…

As if it were the last sound I’d ever hear and I couldn’t bear the thought of such despair

 

I drowned…

When I looked upon your masculinity, you flooded into me without reason and I choked on your beauty

 

I lost…

Myself in you, in the words you spoke, in the things you said, in the ways you made me vulnerable

 

I found…

Myself in you, in the words you spoke, in the things you said, no one treasures me better

 

I long…

For you to be pressed against me, your mouth, your skin, your soul

 

I crave…

Your affections, your arms around me, your

taste 

 

 

I desire…

You in the simplest and wickedest of ways, pressed close and all around me, until there is no end or beginning 

 

I was swept…

Away into your heart, as you are in mine, no words can define what you make me feel

 

I choose….

You, today and all of my tomorrows, you are my conscious choice

Beauty and the Soul

Beauty and the Soul

She was beauty itself, she wore her sexuality like a cloak of the finest silk that everyone wanted to touch.

She brushed against many, teasing, taunting in her loveliness but few would know the bliss of her embrace, her lips and hands on them.

Many tried to grasp at her, tried to tear at her being and essence, but all failed, for it was as I said.

Her sexuality was merely a cloak that hid the magnificence of her soul, a soul the world would never be fully ready for.

I had never witnessed someone like her, and I never would again. She burned like the brightest of fires, but was a gentle caress of the sweetest nature.

One day she will remove her cloak, still fully intact from the greedy hands and eyes around her and give herself to the one that always saw what it was.

One day, someone will finally be worthy of a queen…

Come to Me…

Come to me and lose yourself,

In words that never end

 

Come to me and lose yourself,

In a place where life begins

 

Come to me in waves,

That drown out the demons of my soul

 

Come to me in waves,

So I can make you whole again

 

Come to me in skin,

So I can feel you bare and touch every part of you

 

Come to me in skin, 

Bare me to your gaze and make me whole again

 

And if…if you find you can’t come to me, whisper softly across the distance and I will come to you, to make us whole again…

A Man

There was a man who made the breath rush through my lungs. 

 

Who made my heart beat fast, like it was trying to win the fight to be owned. 

 

There was a man who made me bite back a moan at the touch of his lips. 

 

Who made me smile and laugh with his words. 

 

There was a man who I believed could do anything. 

 

Who was capable of anything and everything. 

 

There was a man I craved like a dark desire. 

 

Who I adored for the simplest pleasure of touching his skin, holding his hand in mine. 

 

There was a man I desired for his touch set me on fire and I wanted to burn. 

 

There was a man who was proud and kind. 

 

Who was handsome and smart.  

 

There was a man who’s laughter brought about my own. 

 

There was a man I loved….

Who I loved deeply with all that I knew to give. 

 

There was a man I adored…

Who I adored for all that he was and that I knew he would one day be. 

 

There is a man…

 

A man like you.